I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
