Sry I called you an 8
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize