so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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