i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
