shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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