i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
