Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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