I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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