My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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