Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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