as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
