I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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