Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
