I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
