ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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