I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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