their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
