I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
