You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
