When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
