So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex on a roof
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
