Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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