all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
