I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
