I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
