Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
