So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
