i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
