it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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