no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
