I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
