Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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