Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
