do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
