I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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