i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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