My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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