I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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