I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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