You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
