Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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