it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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