dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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