ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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