My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
