You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize