The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
