She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
