oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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