Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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