I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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