she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
