seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
