i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
