My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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