Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
