im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
