Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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