If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
