I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
