flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
