Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
