so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just pee around me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
