i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
