just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
