theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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