Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bring me that man meat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
