This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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