I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
