i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
