Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
