I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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