2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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