I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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