Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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