I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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