how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
