wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
